Beast growled, and sprang. Oof shook his head despairingly. "It's no good," said Oof, as Beast fell back down the side of the pit. "We aren't going to get out of here that way." He surveyed the muddy water that came up to above his knees in the bottom of the pit. Beast shook the water out of his fur and prowled around the pit in a circle. "I don't like it," he growled, "I think we ought to get out of here, and now." "How?" asked Oof. Something slithered through the water where it lapped against the opposite wall. Beast growled. "What the Grall was that?" asked Oof, worried. In answer to his question, a large serpentine head lifted out of the water and struck at him. The fangs clattered harmlessly against his armour, venom oozing down the black metal surface, as coil after coil of the huge snake wrapped itself around him in a crushing embrace.
Something nudged Yeti in the back. Yeti turned to see what it was, and froze. His left hand reached out and tapped Megan on the shoulder. "What?" asked Megan, tearing her gaze away from Llama's battle for a minute and looking at Yeti. Seeing him facing the wrong wayshe turned, curious, and she too froze. "Amanda!" she hissed out of the corner of her mouth.
The baby dragon nudged Yeti again with it's snout, and made a curious sort of mewing noise. Amanda turned and stared. A huge forked tongue snicked out of the baby dragon's mouth and nearly knocked Yeti off of his feet. He batted futilely at the tongue with both hands, and ended up sitting down with the dragon (about the size of an elephant) trying to sit on his legs. Behind them, on the treasure mound, Llama and the mother dragonfought furiously, each throwing the other from one end of the cave to the other as they exchanged massive blows.
"Shoo!" said Amanda, "Go away! Shoo!" The baby dragon cocked it's head on one side and smiled at her.Amanda froze. She raised one hand and pointed at the dragon's mouth.
"What?" asked Megan, "What is it?" "It's the Zyph Gem!" exclaimed Amanda, "This little shit's got it stuck between her teeth!" "Get it off me!" yelled Yeti, "I'm being crushed!"
Percy could hear voices murmuring from somewhere up the corridor ahead. Lee, holding his hand, pushed past him and started tugging him onward. "It's the others!" she cried, joyously, breaking into a run. "Wait!" puffed Percy as he was led at breakneck speed towards the voices, but Lee ignored him. Stumbling over rocks and ridges in the floor, they hurtled around a corner - and discovered that the floor was missing. It was a bit of a pity that they discovered the floor was missing AFTER they tried to stand on it. Screaming, they both plummeted down the smooth vertical shaft.
Sick lay there, awake but keeping his eyes shut. He could hears yells and roars and thumps and crashes some distance away, and he didn't like the sound of it. He was pretty much convinced that if he opened his eyes, it would either get alot closer, or someone would suggest that he go and investigate. Either way, opening his eyes and admitting he was awake would be a mistake... A particularly loud crash made him open his eyes and look around warily. "Doh!" he winced as he realised he'd just done what he'd intended not to. There didn't seem to be anyone about. Crawling out form under the pile of printer paper under which he seemed to be buried, he brushed himself down and looked about. No sign of the others. Shrugging, he set off down the corridor in the direction of all the noise.
Oof was helpless in the serpent's coiled grip, his arms pinned to his sides. Beast roared and sprang, sinking fangs and teeth into the neck at the back of the giant snake's head. This had the desired effect - the reptile spasmed, and rapidly unwound it's body from about Oof. Diving, it made for the hole it below the water-line by which it had entered - with Beast still clinging to it's neck. It disappeared through the hole, still carrying Beast, as Oof dove to try and grab his companion and help him up. As the huge scaled body slid past, it dragged Oof into the hole as well. Realising there was nothing else for it, and not wishing to be separated from Beast, Oof took hold of the snake by the tail and hung on for dear life. Fortunately for the pair of them, the tunnel was not very long, and soon opened out into a chamber. It was dark, and neither Beast nor Oof could see very much at all in the dim light that penetrated through the watery tunnel. The snake slithered off into the darkness. Oof touched a control on his armour and it began to glow, filling the room with soft bluish light. They could see now that the water entered this chamber by the tunnel they had just been dragged down, and swirled around to disappear down in one corner, presumably where the snake had fled to. The ceiling wasn't very high, and apart from the tunnel in where the water disappeared in the corner, there appeared to be no other exits from the room. A reptilian head lunged from the swirling water in the corner and jaws snapped shut in the empty space where Oof's head had been. Oof rolled out of the way, his movements slowed somewhat by the flowing water. Beast sprang again, jaws biting deeply into the snake's flesh. Oof rose from the water at the end of his roll, his sword flashing up into the air, up, into the underside of the snake's jaw, piercing the skin, penetrating through the roof of the mouth, through the brain, and emerging through the top of the skull. The body thrashed and twitched, and rolled over, dead. Beast grunted and stood up, tongue licking splashed blood off of his fur. Oof braced one foot against the snake's throat, and puled his sword free, swilling the blood off in the water. He paused for a second puzzled. "Uh, Beast." he said, when he was sure he wasn't imagining things. "Yes?" asked Beast. "The water's rising." Oof told him. "What?" asked Beast, alarmed. "Are you sure? How?" "Yes, I'm sure." said Oof, "I think the snakes body is blocking the drain-hole."
Megan looked round in surprise. She could have sworn she'd just heard Percy's voice, coming from that dark hole in tehrock wall over there. She walked over to investigate, whilst Yeti and Amanda were still arguing with the baby dragon, trying to get it to open it's mouth again. Peering into the darkness, she heard a distant voice, it sounded like Lee this time, saying "ohmigod ohmigod ohmigod..." There was a gentle breeze flowing out of the hole. Megan turned round to ask Amanda to come and listen, and that's when she was hit in the back of the head by Lee flying out of the hole, followed closely by Percy. "Ungh! What the hell..." spluttered Megan, staggering out form under the pair. Percy sat there, looking stunned. "Whee!" said Lee, "That was fun! Hi people!" "Where the hell did you two come from?" asked Amanda, "Where is everybody else?" "Uh, we split up." explained Percy. "Gurth was with us, but, uh, he's dead." "Dead?" spluttered Yeti, "Whaddya mean, dead? How?" "It was a trap, we think." explained Percy. Lee's mouth turned down at the corner's and she began to stifle sobs. "A huge boulder. Crushed. There was nothing we could do." "And then the spiders ate him! Wah!" bawled Lee. Percy comforted her. "What the hell is that?" asked Percy, pointing at the baby dragon where it sat straddling Yeti's legs. "And why the hell are you dress like that?" he asked, them all again. "Where's Yeti? Where's Llama?" "I'm here." said Yeti, lifting the visor on his armour's helmet, and waving at Percy. "We're dressed like this for health reasons - this armour is fireproof - and Llama is out there making all the noise you can here." "Oh," said Percy, walking to have a look out into the cavern, "What's she doing?" "I wouldn't stick your head out there if I were you," advised Yeti, "She's having a fight with the biggest damn dragon ever. And losing." he added. "Oh." said Percy, ignoring Yeti and sticking his head out round the corner. His eyes bulged, and his jaw dropped, slack.
Llama ducked as a huge, clawed scaly paw swung over her head. A cavernous maw shot forward snapping at her, and in response she stopped it dead by thumping a fang that must have been at least two meters in diameter. The huge dragon howled in agony as the giant tooth shattered under the force of the blow, bloodied fragments of tooth whistling past Llama with meteoric force. The dragon responded by whirling around a hundred and eighty degrees, whipping it's tail around like a giant whip cracking. Llama leapt, well, more sort of flew, as the tail snapped by underneath, and was caught in mid-air by one of the dragons hind legs lashing out from the other side. The tip of one claw caught in the palm of her right hand, the giant foot carried her back and pinned her against the wall, the force of the blow numbing her arm with shock. The giant foot withdrew and Llama slid painfully to the floor, panting heavily with shock and exertion. Trying to rise, she stumbled and nearly fell when she put her weight on her still numb right arm. Lookingdown, Llama was shocked when she saw why - the arm was gone!
The dragon span round again, to face Llama. Llama bellowed at the dragon in uncontrollable rage and flew forward, pressing against one huge limb like a fly trying to tip a horse over. The dragon roared, and then scream in pain as the limb was impossibly bent backwards with a sickening cracking of bone. The dragon swiped at Llama with another leg and succeeded in knocking her flying across the room. Llama stood and shook her head. "What the hell am I getting so wound up about?" she asked herself, waving one hand over the bloodied stump that remained of her right arm. The arm re-appeared, intact and unharmed. The dragon, seeing this, bellowed, and hobbled awkwardly on three limbs backward away from Llama, hissing. It seemed the great beast now realised that it stood a serious chance of losing. Llama smiled, and muttered to herself. "Well, I got my arm back, I suppose leaving you like that is a little unfair..." again she waved a hand in the air, in the dragon's direction this time, and the shattered limb was suddenly whole and mended again. The dragon, noticing the pain had ceased, stopped hissing, and looked at the repaired limb in disbelief. The mother dragon stalked slowly forward, wings and head drooping, and pawed miserably at the corpse of the younger dragon Llama had slain earlier. She mewed pitifully. Llama looked at the bloodied remains, and glanced apologetically at the mother. "Oh, okay." said Llama, sighing. She pointed a finger at the corpse, there was a brief flash of light, and the young dragon was sat there, a puzzled expression on it's face as it looked around and up at it's mother. It gave a joyful squeal, and began to romp about it's mother's legs. The mother looked at Llama, a curious expression that read partly as a smile, and partly as a question. Llama shrugged in reply, both hands turned palm upwardsin the expressive gesture.
Llama looked at her upturned hand, at the wet spot that had just fallen onto it. Another drip splashed touchdown on the silvery metal coating, and she traced it's path upwards to the roof of the cavern, where a tiny, barely discernible dark patch was slowly dripping water onto Llama's outstretched hand. The whole cavern went deathly silent, apart from the soft plop of the water on Llama's silver coating. Another sound could be heard, too. An ominous creaking, groaning, cracking sort of a noise. Llama frowned, puzzled, as the ceiling above gave way and several tons of water poured down on top of her. Unfortunately this wasn't the usual wet, soft water that comes out of a tap. No, this was water with rocks in. Several tons of rocks, in fact, and a dead giant snake, and two other bodies. Llama disappeared as the torrent plunged downward, ploughing her deep into the treasure pile.
"THAT sounded different!" said Yeti, looking round at the sudden sound of water. "Yes." agreed Percy, "But why did it go quiet afterward?" He poked his head out again to look. Amanda gasped and keeled over, flat on her back, out cold. Megan rushed to her side, and began trying to revive her, or at least ascertain what was wrong. "What the hell's wrong with her?" asked Sick, entering through a crack at the back of the cave. "Wow!" said Percy. "What? What is it?" asked Yeti, straining to peer over the rock. "You're not going to believe this..." said Percy. "Believe what?" asked Megan, looking up from Amanda's side. "What's happened out there?" "Well, it look's like the fight has stopped." commented Percy. "How come? Has Llama won?" asked Yeti, pressing up close to Percy to try and see better. "Or has she lost?" "Fight?" asked Sick. "That would explain the noise. Who's she fighting?" "Uh, sort of. Both. Neither I mean." replied Percy, "She's justbeen drowned under a hundred gallons of water pouring out of the ceiling."
"What?" asked Yeti.
"Ouch!" said Percy, "Hey, watch what you're doing. That armour's got bits sticking out that you haven't, and they hurt!" he warned Yeti.
"Will someone PLEASE tell me what the hell is going on?" shouted Sick, "WHO is Llama fighting? Why has she just been dumped on by a hundred gallons of water, and what the hell are you dressed up in that armour for, Yeti?"
Chapter 32: "Blow your mind - and the rest will follow."
Llama woke up. Something felt wrong, seriously wrong. She just couldn't put her finger on it... She stared at her finger. It was different, not encased in silver, and the skin tone was darker than the pale porcelain she should have seen, and the nail was more rounded, not long. The hand matched the finger - darker skin, not so long and slender. Looking down confirmed one thing at least - this may be yet another body, but it was still female. A wisp of red in the peripheral of her vision confirmed the site of the armour encasing her body - Llama was in Amanda's new body. "Oh shit." she moaned. "Not again."
Oof staggered up from where he had fallen, staring about him indisbelief at the giant treasure heap. The water had long since drained away between the coins and other artefacts. Beast groaned and raised his head from where he lay.
"We're alive." stated Oof, "My god, you have got to see this." The treasure between him and Beast started to move. "Oh no..." muttered Oof, "This is getting tiring." A slender porcelain-skinned hand emerged from between the gold,followed by an arm, and another hand. Eventually the silvery female figure had pulled herself to the surface, and lay there, on hands and knees, panting. It was hard to say why, but despite the fact that the silver showed not a mark or stain, the figure looked bedraggled.
"Llama?" asked Beast, concerned. "Are you okay?" "No I bloody well am not!" shouted the figure, getting to her feet. "That Bastard's done it again!" "Eh?" asked Oof and Beast together, looking genuinely alarmed. "It's me, Amanda. Llama's pinched my bloody body again - my other body I mean." she stated angrily, and disappeared behind a small pile of chests. A few moments later she re-emerged, minus the silver birthday suit, and wearing a golden gown she had obviously retrieved from one of the chests. She bent down and tore off the skirt just above the knees, like wise removing the arms. "That's better." she said. "Right, let's go and sort this whole bloody mess out once and for all." and with that, she stalked down the mountain of gold.
"Oh, you're awake." said Megan, "What happened?" Llama looked around to see Percy, Yeti, Lee and Sick were also there. "You're not going to believe this..." she started. "Here she comes! she's okay!" interrupted Percy, excitedly. Amanda stormed round the corner of the rock wall, a thunderous expression on her face. Oof and Beast followed close behind. "YOU!" she pointed an accusing finger at Llama, lying prone on the floor. "You did it again, didn't you!" "Did what?" asked Llama, guiltily. "What are you on about, Llama?" Percy asked Amanda. "I'm not Llama - I'm Amanda. SHE'S Llama." snorted Amanda, pointing accusingly at the prone red-head. Everyone turned to stare. Llama got to her feet. "uh, look." she started. "I, uh, that is, I'm not too sure how it happened..." "Again!" snorted Amanda. "Again." echoed Llama, "But why don't we all sit down a minute and try and work out what's going on?" "Good idea." agreed Sick, "I think we've all got alot to tell." So they all sat down and spent the next ten minutes on bringing each other up to date on recent events. Everyone was shocked to hear of Gurth's death, and no-one knew what had become of H'Rutt and DeOre. When Llama had finally finished her (surprisingly for once) brief account of her battle with the big Dragon, someone finally thought to ask - "So what happened to the big dragon?". "She must be still out there I suppose." said Llama, "I don't think we need to worry about her anymore. Especially if we can pursuade our scaly friend here" she indicated the baby dragon, "to part with the Zyph Gem." "And just how do you propose to do that?" asked Megan. "Watch." said Llama, walking around to face the baby dragon. Reaching up, she grabbed the dragon by the nostrils with one fist, causing it to open it's mouth in surprise. With her other hand, she reached in, grasping the gem and yanked it free. "There." she said, holding out the glistening yellow jewel. The others crowded round in amazement. "That's it?" asked Yeti, hardly daring to breath. "That can get us home?" "Uh, yes." agreed Llama, "This is it. But we can't go yet." "Why not?" asked Yeti, agitatedly. "Well, firstly, do you really want to go dressed like that?" asked Llama, indicating the female armour Yeti was still dressed in. "Secondly, we need to find H'Rutt and DeOre, so that we can return them to wherever I come from. and thirdly, I still have to get back into my body. Speaking of which - has anybody seen it?" "Uh-huh." said Lee. "I've been meaning to ask - you seem to be able to swap bodies whenever you die, right?" "Yes..." admitted Llama. "So, just because Gurth's body is dead, he could still reappear in another body?" continued Lee. "That gives me an idea..." said Llama. "Oh shit, here we go again." muttered Yeti and Sick together. "Shut up." said Llama, sitting down cross legged on the floor. Llama's body appeared out of nowhere, led next to her. "How does she DO that?" asked Lee, wonderingly. "Shhh." hissed Amanda. Llama sat there for a minute or two, silent, concentrating. Silent on the outside - on the inside, she was shouting. "Gurth?" she shouted in her mind, "Gurth? Where the hell are you?" A familiar tall, hulking figure appeared in the mists in front of her. "Llama." he said. "I don't know how I know it's you, but I do. Where is this? Where are we? One minute I'm walking down a tunnel behind Percy and Lee, the next I'm here, in the middle of nowhere, and I can't find my way out of this mist." "Um." thought Llama, "I've got some bad news for you. This is limbo. You're dead. But don't panic, cos I've got a way out for you." "WHAT?" shrieked Gurth. "Nevermind." said Llama, "Come here." bending down, she snapped the flowing red ribbon that was attached to her ankle and disappeared off into the mists. Leaning over, she attached the loose end of the red ribbon to one of Gurth's ankles. "What's that?" asked Gurth. "A lifeline." explained Llama. "It's attached to a living body. Amanda's living body, actually, but since she's got her first body back, she doesn't need it now. If you follow the line back to the body, you will be alive again." "What about you?" asked Gurth." "I'll be alright." said Llama. "I'm going to use this opportunity to get back into my own body. If I can find the damn lifeline flapping around somewhere. Look, when you get back, tell the others not to worry if it takes me a while to come round." "Hold on a minute..." said Gurth, "This attaches me to Amanda's body, right?" "Yes." said Llama. "So, when I get back, I'll be IN Amanda. I'll be a girl." "Ah... yes." agreed Llama. "Hey, do you think it is easy to find a spare body just lying around the place?" "But what about you?" asked Gurth, "I mean, can't you just make me not dead?" "I had to find you first." said Llama, "Just recreating your body wouldn't have worked without your soul to put into it. Now, if you follow that line, I'll sort everything else out when we're both conscious again. I've got to go and find the way back into my own body now." "But without a lifeline, won't you be dead?" asked Gurth. "Uh, no, not really. You see, since I'm The Maker, I get to make my own rules up as I go along. So I can't die, unless I wantto. Or someone sneaks it up on me."
So saying, Llama turned and walked off into the mist. Gurth sighed, and picking up the ribbon in one hand, began to follow it back to it's source.
H'Rutt leaned heavily on his large sword, the tip still embedded in some poor dead monk on the floor. DeOre stood surveying the carnage surrounding them. "Wow." he said, "Did we do ALL that?" H'Rutt frowned at him. "Aren't you even out of breath?" he asked. "No." DeOre replied, "I feel great!" He kicked at a dead monk on the floor, rolling the body over so that it slumped down a series of steps. H'Rutt tore a piece of cloth off of a body and began wiping his sword clean, sheathing it only when it was absolutely spotless. He then began wiping some of the blood off of himself. "I wonder where the others are..." mused DeOre, wading through the piles of bodies towards a well near one edge of the courtyard. He peered over the edge, down into the depths of the well. Waving one hand over the bucket full of water, he mumbled an incantation. H'Rutt walked over to see what he was doing. On the surface of the water in the bucket, an image came into focus. It was of a bluish mist, no features were visible, except the occasional glowing red ribbon that flowed from and to the mist. Every now and again, a hand would reach out in front of the view, and experimentally feel a ribbon. "What the hells that?" asked H'Rutt. "I don't know." admitted DeOre, "It's supposed to be what Llama's seeing right now. It looks like limbo or something." "Oh." replied H'Rutt. DeOre waved a hand, and the view changed - there were the rest of the companions sat around in a cavern discussing what to do next. DeOre and H'Rutt watched as Amanda's red-head body woke up, and explained that she was really Gurth, and that Llama was trying to get back into his own body, and may be some time doing so. Amanda interjected by asking what they were supposed to do, just sit around and wait, and Percy suggested that they should back-track up the passageways to where they originally split up and go and try and find the two missing companions. After a brief argument, H'Rutt and DeOre decided that they hadbetter meet the companions halfway and so set off back into the corridors and tunnels that had brought them to the courtyard. Needless to say, after twenty minutes or so wandering around, they were hopelessly lost.
The other companions fared no better. Lugging Llama's body on a litter between them, they set off into the labyrinthine tunnels, and soon couldn't even find their way back, let alone onwards. "Oh great." moaned Sick as they turned another corner, "Another tunnel." "What did you expect, the Taj Mahal?" asked Lee sarcastically. "What's this?" asked Yeti, pointing to a circular mark about halfway up one wall. Sick peered closely at the flat circular patch embedded in the rock wall. "Darned If I know." he admitted, "But it looks like something was written on it once." "Can you make it out?" asked Megan. "Not a hope." said Sick. "Here, let me try." said Amanda, "These eyes will pick up partsof the spectrum your eyes can't." She leaned close to the circle, staring intently at it's surface. "STRICTLY NO ADMITTANCE." she read. "PROTOTYPE POWER PLANT IN OPERATION - EXTREME DANGER OF DEATH."
"Oh, is that all." said Sick. "Then this must be a door." He pushed at the rock below the circle. The door swung slowly and silently inwards. A well-lit room beyond dazzled their tunnel-dimmed sight. "Uh, I'm not so sure this is a good idea..." said Megan. "Aw, come on, live a little." said Lee, following Sick into the room. Shrugging, Lee followed.
H'Rutt signalled to DeOre to be quiet. He put one ear and a hand to the rock wall of the corridor, and listened. "What is it?" asked DeOre. "I don't know - the rock is humming." said H'Rutt. "And we are getting closer to where it's coming from." "Which is?" asked DeOre. "Just behind this rock." said H'Rutt, unsheathing his great two-handed sword. Wielding it over his head, he smote the rock a mighty blow, cleaving a large hole in the wall. Light streamed out through the dust and rubble. "After you." indicated H'Rutt, pushing some more of the rubble out of the way to make it easier for himself and DeOre to climb through the hole.Chapter 33: "Gravity really gets me down at times."
Llama continued wandering through the mists of limbo, searching for the right lifeline. Picking up another red ribbon from the floor, he felt for the vibrations that would tell him what the body on the other end was like. This one was... this one was attached to Yeti! He dropped it hurriedly, then paused a minute, a sadistic thought crossing his mind. He shook his head - that would be fun, but he didn't have time to mess around. Looking around again, he cursed. Dammit! he couldn't see a thing in this fog, so how was he expecting to find a loose lifeline amidst millions by just wandering about? He could be a lifetime at it. Realisation dawned on him, and he slapped himself in the forehead. Wasn't he the damned Maker, for godsake? He could do anything he wanted, right? He snapped his fingers, and sure enough, a red ribbon, unattached at one end, appeared in the palm of his hand. Feeling the vibrations, he smiled at the familiar feeling that emanated down the line to him. At last! Sticking the ribbon to his heel, he started following it back to his body.
"Awk!" said Yeti. "What?" asked Percy. "Are you alright?" asked Megan, seeing the half-strangled startled expression on Yeti's face. "Uh, yes, I think so." replied Yeti. "It's just that for a moment, it really felt like Llama was right here, close by. It was a weird sensation!" "Really?" asked Percy. "Well, I wish he'd hurry up and wake up, cos his body is getting to be a pain to lug everywhere. So Sick, worked anything out yet?" Sick was stood facing a bank of dials and readouts, most of which were covered in too much dust and grime to read. One clean patch existed, where Sick had wiped away the dirt from a single computer screen and keyboard. "Uh-huh." answered Sick, "It's a completely revolutionary power system, which supplies this entire mountain, and the city of Noeh T'Parc, with all the energy either could ever use." "Wow." said Yeti, "That must be some power supply. How does it work, Nuclear?" "Uh no not exactly." said Sick, "Believe me, you don't want to know." "Eh?" said Percy, "Don't want to know what?" "You had to ask." sighed Sick. "Okay, I'll tell you. It's a prototype powerplant, and it's over there." he indicated a small pedestal on the other side of the room. "It can supply a near-infinite amount of energy, for an unlimited time. It has no moving parts to wear out, and uses no materials which can corrode or decay. It really is an incredible idea, only..." "Only what?" asked Percy. "What makes it go?" "It doesn't go, exactly." said Sick, "It's Static powered." "What?" asked Yeti, "You mean Static electricity? Like a Van-DeGraf generator?" "No." said Sick, "I mean Static as in stationary, not moving." "You what?" asked Percy. "It seems that the person who built this generator noticed that it generally takes alot more energy to get out of something than it usually takes to do the thing in the first place. He therefore reasoned that since the relationship seems to be inversely proportional, i.e. the simpler the task, the more effort required to avoid doing it, then if he could find a piece of matter that did absolutely nothing, it would contain almost infinite energy." "Oh, you mean like a rock!" exclaimed Percy. "No." Sick corrected him, "A rock does things, like supporting walls and ceilings. And there are things that a rock cannot do. In fact, most matter does do something, even if it doesn't do it all of the time. No, this piece of matter must be capable of doing anything, and yet it must do absolutely nothing." "So? What is it?" asked Lee. "Oh no." said Amanda, "It couldn't be..." Sick walked over to the pedestal, and pressed a button. A glass case rose from the middle of the pedestal, covered by a red cloth. He pulled the cloth away, to reveal...
Llama coughed and spluttered, waking up. He glanced down. A familiar T-shirt and jeans were a welcome sight, no breasts, or skirts, or legs, or anything else remotely female. He looked at his hands - hairy backs, oil-stains, and all. He patted at his jeans pockets, and found his glasses. Putting them on, he looked around, at where all the other companions were stood staring at something on the other side of the room. A crashing noise came from behind him, and turning, he saw H'Rutt and DeOre clambering through a freshly made hole in the wall. "Hi!" he said, waving at them. H'Rutt looked at him in amazement. "Your back!" said the huge barbarian. "So is she..." he indicated the raven-haired Amanda. "Yes." said Llama, "She's Amanda. And the Red-headed girl is Gurth. For now, anyway, until I get things sorted out. It would take too long to sort out." DeOre strode forward and shook him firmly by the hand. "It is wonderful to finally meet the real you." He said, grinning from ear to ear. "I hope you can spare a few minutes sometime to discuss a little magic..." "Sure." agreed Llama, only half listening. He was watching the others where they were crowding around something. "What are they looking at?" asked H'Rutt, curious. "My Static Energy generator." said Llama, proudly.
"What is it?" asked Yeti. "It looks like a small blue piece of light." said Percy. "It's an Idea." said Amanda. "It's HIS Idea." "Whose?" asked Percy. "Oh. Of course." said Yeti, "It's one of Llama's ideas." "Huh?" said Percy, "I don't get it. How can anyone trap an idea?" "Not an idea, an Idea. with a capital I." explained Amanda, patiently. "It's a thing. He's the Maker, right? so he can do anything he thinks of. His Idea's have more power than anything else in this world put together. Hell this world WAS put together by his Ideas." "And since when have you EVER known one of Llama's Idea's to work?" asked Yeti. "I don't mean his Idea's aren't any good." he added, "Just that they don't EVER seem to work, even when they ought to." "I see what you mean." said Percy. "Well, thanks you two!" said a familiar voice from behind them. They all whirled, disbelieving their ears. "Llama!" cried Percy. "Llama!" cried Yeti. "You!" cried Amanda, looking as if she didn't know whether to greet him or thump him. "Llammmmffllll!" squealed Lee, throwing herself on him, and wrapping arms and legs around him as she gave him a huge kiss. Llama toppled over backwards under the onslaught, and they rolled about on the floor, a tangle of arms and legs. "Well, at least someone is glad to see me!" said Llama, getting to his feet and helping Lee up. "Amanda, have you got the Zyph Gem there?" he asked. "Sure." said Amanda, handing it to him. "You're not thinking of using it here?" "Yes, to get us home later." said Llama, "But not yet. There are a few things we have got to sort out first. Okay, everybody gather round, it's time to take a trip." "Oh no." moaned Percy, "Not another one. Can't we have a little rest first?" "Where to?" asked Amanda. "Noeh T'Parc." said Llama, "We should be able to sort everything out properly there." They all stood in a circle, holding hands. Llama closed his eyes, mumbled something, and they were suddenly stood in the middle of a deserted market square. It was night time, and the only person in the square to witness their miraculous appearance was a drunk asleep under a statue.
"Well, we're here." said Sick. "Now what?" Llama pointed at Amanda, who was suddenly dressed in her original little black leather outfit. "That's better, thanks!" she said. Llama pointed the same finger at Yeti. The feminine armour vanished, to be replaced by the clothes he'd originally been wearing at the start of the adventure. The same thing happened to Percy. He turned to Lee. "Lee," he said, "I know it's been at least five years in our world, since you disappeared from college. It'sup to you - do you want to return, or would you rather stay here? You could be anything you wanted - an empress, a queen, a goddess even. What do you want to do?"
"I'll go home." said Lee. "It'd be nice to be a goddess or something, but it wouldn't be right. Besides," she added, leaning up and pecking Percy on the cheek, "There are, er, other things in our world I might have an interest in." Llama turned to Megan. "Well?" he asked. "What do you want to do - stay here, go back to your farm, or something else?" Megan stared at him for a minute. She glanced at Lee, and Yeti, and Percy. "I don't know." she said, "I guess I always thought I would be coming with you when you went back to your own world..." "Yes," said Lee, "Come with us." "Wait a minute." said Llama, "How's she going to live? Where will she get a job, where will she sleep? She won't have any I.d., or money, or anything." "So magic up all that stuff for her." said Lee. "I can't." said Llama, "I may be a god in this world, but back in ours I'm just an ordinary guy." "I doubt there's anything much ordinary about you." said Lee. "Why don't you just magic it all up here, and put it in a suitcase or something so she can take it with her?" "Now why didn't I think of that?" asked Llama. He pointed a finger, and Megan's clothes changed to look like those of any twentieth century woman. A large wheeled suitcase sat on the ground next to her. "Beast?" asked Llama, "I can lift the curse, and return you to our world. I think it's changed a bit since your time there, though." "Thanks, but no." said Beast, "I think I'll carry on exploring this world, If I may. I think there are some very interesting places left to be discovered." "Gurth." he said, turning to the small red-headed girl. "Same as you were before?" "Yes please!" she replied, "I don't want ANYONE from the guild to see me like this. besides, I can't do magic if I'm a girl." "Yes you can." replied Llama, "But, as you wish." Gurth was suddenly stood there, tall as ever. He smiled. "Thanks!" he said. "What did you just do with my spare body?" asked Amanda, a dangerous tone in her voice. "Don't worry, it's back in the salient tanks a the Llama-dome." said Llama. "H'Rutt - back to your own world?" he asked. H'Rutt nodded. "It's too strange here for me." he said, "I'd rather go back to Harondia." Llama turned to Oof. He slapped the young man on the shoulder, and thumped a fist against his armoured chest. "A tin-opener?" he asked, jesting. "What?" asked Oof. "Never mind." said Llama, "You my friend have got great things ahead of you. So back to your own world it is." DeOre coughed. Llama looked at him. "Um," said DeOre, "I don't suppose you'd do me the favour of transporting me back to my tower?" he asked, "Only it's a very long walk." "Sure." agreed Llama. He pointed a finger, and DeOre was gone.
Holding the Zyph gem in the palm of his right hand, Llama pointed his left index finger at it. A blue glow flashed from his fingertip to the gem, and was refracted by the prismatic effect of the gem to project a multi-hued pattern on the floor. The pattern changed, fluctuating, as the blue glow from Llama's finger intensified. Pictures became discernible amidst the patterns, of places - forests, and foreign cities, and oceans, and other places. Eventually a sight hove into view that was familiar to Llama, Lee and Sick. It was their old College. Lee stepped into the picture without saying a word, holding Megan by the hand as she went. The suitcase trundled in after them. Sick was about to step in as well, when Llama said "Wait." "Huh?" said Sick, "But I can get home from there..." "That's not your time." said Llama, "Ah. Here we are." The picture had changed to a scene from an alleyway - Harrods could be seen across the road. Sick waved. "Bye everyone!" he said, stepping into the picture. The picture wavered and changed again. This time it was pastoral setting, a small farm in a quiet valley. "This is me." said Oof, and he went into the projection. H'Rutt stepped into a mountainous scene. The picture changed again, and now it was outside Yeti's house. "Let's go!" said Percy, following yeti into the glow. Llama followed, and the glow and the picture disappeared behind him.
Amanda stood staring at the spot where Llama and Percy and Yeti had just disappeared. "Great!" she said, turning to Gurth. "That's just bloody typical of Llama. Now I suppose I've got to walk home!" Gurth shrugged. Chapter 34: "But I LIKE pot noodles!"
"What's the date?" Percy asked Yeti, as they entered the house. "How long have we been gone?" Yeti picked up a T.V. remote control and switched the teletext on. "I don't believe it." said Percy. "We were only gone for two days? but it seemed like weeks! How come, Llama? Llama?" Llama wasn't listening. He was staring at his outstretched hand, where, sat in his palm, was the Zyph gem. "What's wrong?" asked Yeti. "This." said Llama, indicating the gem. "This shouldn't have come through with us. It exists in my imagination, not in reality." "Eh? So?" asked Percy. "Imagine you were dreaming," explained Yeti, "and in your dream you grabbed hold of something. And then you woke up, and you were still holding it." "OH!" said Percy, understanding. He frowned. "But that's..." "Impossible." finished Llama. He pocketed the gem.
It was another fine morning in the valley. There was no evidence of the weather of the night before. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, the lambs bleating, and somewhere a cock was whistling merrily. One of the chickens sidled out of the coop and whispered something in the cockerel's ear. He spluttered, coughed, and muttered "Not again!" under his breath. Then, with a sheepish look on his beak, he started to crow instead. Someone opened a window and threw a boot at him. He stopped crowing and wandered back into the hencoop, muttering and mumbling "...oody great! Now I've got a matching pair, pity I haven't got any feet..."
Across the valley, an alarm-clock radio went off. A sleepy hand felt it's way out from under the duvet, but instead of moving upwards towards the beeping alarm, it fell to the floor instead and began feeling about under the bed. Finally locating what it had been groping for, it pulled out a claw hammer, and with a shriek, the occupant of the bed leapt up and began battering the alarm-clock to pieces. When it had finally been reduced to a silent mess of smashed electronics and broken plastic, the figure stopped. He was panting heavily from the exertion. "Hah!" he cried, pointing the hammer accusingly at the pulverised remnants on the floor. "Your not bloody electrocuting me again, you bastard!" He let the hammer slip from his fingers. Stepping down off the bed, his bare foot landed on top of the remnants of the radio. He leapt in the air shrieking as 240 volts shot up his leg from the exposed wires he had stood on. "Ow! Shit! Ow, ow, shit!" he cried, nursing his poor electrocuted foot. Limping down stairs, he hopped gingerly from bare foot to bare foot across the cold wooden floor in the hallway, and made his way into the kitchen. Once there, he wandered over to the kettle and turned it on. His feet were wet. Glancing down, he saw why. He was stood in a puddle of water. He looked down at the dog's bowl in the corner, and it was nearly empty. "Dog," he cussed, "Can't you ever drink without spilling half of it?" A large, brown, hairy Springer Spaniel wandered in at the soundof his name. The hopeful look in his sad brown eyes faded as he realised Llama was only making a coffee, and not going to have anything to eat. Sighing heavily, he wandered back out to his basket in the hallway to chew on the T.V remote he'd filched from Llama's bedroom earlier.
Llama drank the coffee he'd just made for himself.
In another bedroom, in another house, further down the valley, Something stirred as the bright sunlight filtered through the curtains. A leg emerged from underneath the duvet, followed by an arm, then another leg. Realising it was in totally the wrong place, the arm shot back under the covers to re-emerge further up the bed. It pushed back the duvet to reveal that despite all this apparent animation of limbs, Percy was in fact still fast asleep. The bright sunlight shining on his face woke him up. "Shit." he moaned, rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands. Blinking hard a few times, he opened his eyes. "Oh No! I've gone blind! It IS true, after all!" he thought to himself. Then he removed his hands and heaved a sigh of relief. "Phew." he muttered, "Close one!" He got up and went to make himself a sandwich.
A doorbell rang. Llama leapt up from where he'd been sat down at his desk, switching the computer on. Grabbing a pair of jeans and a T-shirt, he practically fell down the stairs as he struggled to put them on whilst rushing to answer the door. Eventually he threw the door open and peered at the two figures standing on his doorstep. He peered a bit harder, then gave up and retrieved his glasses from where they had fallen off halfway down the stairs. Returningto the door he looked out again.
"Hello!" he said, in surprise. "To what do I owe this pleasure? I'd have thought I would of been the last person you wanted to see." "Eh?" said Megan, "Oh, THAT. That was over four years ago. No, we've just found out where you're living now, and we need your help." "More specifically, I need your help." said Lee, "And Percy does too. Or he will, even if he doesn't know it yet. Look, can we come in and talk?" "Yes." said Llama, stepping aside and ushering them through to his computer room.
Half an hour later, the three of them were knocking on Percy's door. "Whoa!" said Percy when he answered it. "What do YOU three want?" then he thought about it for a second, and a look of horror crossed his face. "No way!" he said, "NO way! You are NOT dragging me into another bloody adventure..." "Calm down." said Llama, "You don't exactly have a great deal of choice. You see, this time it's for your sake that we are going. Well, and Lee's." They went inside and up to Percy's room. "What do you mean, for my sake?" he asked. "You'd better tell him." Llama told Lee. "Well," said Lee, "Cast your mind back and remember when we had our adventure together." "Easy." said Percy, "After all, it was only a couple of days ago." "Oh." said Lee. "Yes," said Megan, "Llama, why did you send us back to four years ago?" Percy looked at Llama quizzically. "You did what?" he asked. "Ah." said Llama, "Well, I thought it would be best - let you carry on from where you left off, until you got to where we are now in the time-lines, when you would be back in our reality. Of course, in our time-line you were missing for five years, so I had to let you carry on your lives in that alternate time-line. It should have been virtually identical, except for me and Sick would not have been at college." Percy looked confused. "Well," continued Lee, "Percy, do you remember you had a little, ah, problem? Lycanthropy? like being a were-dragon?" "Oh shit!" said Percy, "I'd forgotten! And we didn't find a cure before we returned..." "Yes." said Megan, "well poor Lee here has had to live with that curse for the last four years." "Fortunately the moon here doesn't seem to be strong enough to cause a total transformation every time, only about once every nine months." said Lee, "But it's still inconvenient, having green scales erupt all over your body and a long forked tongue appear in your mouth every full moon. And the change gets slowly more and more permanent. When this happened, I thought it was time to come and find you, Llama." she pulled down the neck on her top to reveal soft green scales covering the skin on her breast. "Shit!" breathed Percy. "We have got to find a cure!" "There isn't one." answered Megan, flatly, "Or at least, not inthis world."
"Which is why," continued Lee, "We came to find you, Llama. We need to find a way to get back to your world, where you can then cure us." "But there IS no way back." said Llama, "I don't have any powers in this world." "What about the Zyph gem?" asked Percy. "You still have that, don't you?" "Yes..." said Llama, "Hmm. It might work. We'd have to feed a hell of alot of energy into it, and we would need to be able to control precisely the amount of energy, but it might just work. There's just one problem." "What?" asked Percy, Lee and Megan together. "I hid it at Yeti's house." said Llama. "It seemed the safest place for it." "Well, what are we waiting for?" asked Percy, "Let's go!" "Hold on!" said Llama, "Let's not just rush into it this time. Let's take some time to get prepared. Percy, may I borrow your phone? Thanks." Llama picked up the phone and dialled Yeti's number. "Hello?" came a familiar voice on the other end. "Hello Yeti." said Llama, "It's me Llama. Look, go over to your fish tank. In the bottom is the Zyph gem - I hid it there for safe keeping. Get yourself kitted out for another adventure, and come on over to my place." "Oh no." said Yeti. "Why, for godsake? We only just got back from one damn adventure." "It's not over." said Llama, "Percy's still a were-dragon." "Oh shit." said Yeti, "I suppose the only cure is back in that world of yours?" "You got it." said Llama, "See you at my place in an hour?" "Okay. Bye!" said Yeti, hanging up.
An hour later found the group assembled and ready. Llama caressed the Zyph gem with his fingers, staring into it's yellow facets. "Ahem!" coughed Lee, interrupting his reverie. Llama looked up, startled. "Oh, yes." he said, checking the air pistol tucked into his belt. He patted a pocket on his leather jacket, making sure he had everything with him. "Right," he asked, "Everybody ready?" They all affirmed that they were. "Okay." he said, holding the gem out in the palm of his hand. He concentrated at it, hard. Nothing happened. "Any ideas?" he asked. "How about using electricity?" suggested Percy. "Worth a try." agreed Llama. A few minutes later, he had a power transformer wired up to the gem. He flicked the switch on. Nothing happened. He turned the dial, increasing the voltage. Still nothing. He turned it some more, and the gem began to glow. There was a flash, a loud bang! and all the lights died. "Shit." said Llama, "Looks like we blew the fuse." Suddenly he slapped himself on the forehead. "Ow!" he said, "Of course! Why didn't I think of it before!" He rushed over to his computer. Sure enough, the offending disk was in the drive. "Here we are!" he announced, waving it at the others. "What is it?" asked Megan. "It's how we got stuck in that adventure in the first place!" explained Percy, then to Llama, "Do you think it'll work again?" "It's got to be worth a try!" replied Llama, inserting it in the disk drive. He switched the computer on. Nothing happened. "Oh no!" said Llama, "The blown fuse must have taken out the circuit for the whole house. And I don't have a spare..." "Quick!" said Percy, "to my house! We'll use my computer."
At Percy's house, they discovered that the power-cut seemed to effect the whole area. "Must have blown something in the sub-station." suggested Llama morosely. "Someone must still have one of these computers and power." said Yeti. "Sick." said Llama. "But Sick lives in London." said Percy. "Grab the computer," said Llama, "I know where we can find power." "Where?" asked Yeti. "The hospital!" said Llama "They must have power, or some emergency backup system." "Good thinking!" complimented Yeti, "Are you feeling alright?"
Chapter 35: Here we go again!
The young Nurse stared curiously at the five friends striding down the hospital corridor toward her, carrying a computer and what looked suspiciously like a whole load of camping equipment. "Can I help you?" she asked, suspiciously. "Yes." said Llama, "We NEED somewhere to plug this in." "Oh you do, do you." answered the nurse, "And why, may I ask, is that?" "Because my friends here" he indicated Percy and Lee, "Are suffering from a severe form of Lycanthropy, and our only hope is to use this computer to travel to an alternative dimension where I am a god, to find the cure." The nurse stared at him disbelievingly. "Look," said Lee, "I've got a bit of an embarrassing problem. It's quite nasty, actually. You see, I've got - something - growing on my breast, and I'd like a doctor to take a look at it. It's sort of a peculiar rash. Is there a room with a bit of privacy so I can show you?" she asked. "Of course." said the nurse sympathetically. "In here." She ushered them into the office behind them. Lee showed her the scales on her breast. The nurse looked shocked, and told them to stay put while she found a Dr. Howard. As soon as she left, Percy and Yeti started setting up the computer.
"Quick, someone's coming!" Hissed Lee from the doorway. "Almost ready." said Percy, plugging in the computer and switching it on. "There! Give me the disk, Llama." Llama handed him the disk. Percy put it in the disk drive, and they all sat anticipatingly as the familiar Wom, Wom, Wom, and small white dot appeared. "Hello." said Dr Howard walking in through the door, "What ARE you doing?" The myriad's of flashing colours faded from the screen, to be replaced by the useless error message. Dr. Howard stared in disbelief at where five young people had just instantly disappeared form his office, before his very eyes.
Percy looked around. There were Megan, Lee and Yeti. The jungle looked familiar, as did the cliff wall. Of course! they were in the island basin, near Llama's cave complex. Where was Llama? Percy spotted him, sat against the cliff base. Percy waved. Llama waved back - and disappeared under an avalanche of rock. "Noooo!" screamed Yeti, diving for Llama, but it was too late. Percy glanced up the cliff face, just in time to see a large, black segmented tail-end of a body disappear back into a hole in the rock high up. "Ungh." came Llama's voice from behind him. Percy whirled, and there was Llama staggering around, dazed. "How... how... oh never mind." said Percy, rushing over and supporting him. "Thanks." said Llama, "Whatever your name is." "What?" asked Percy. Llama sat down. "Oooh." he said, "I feel funny. My head hurts." Yeti looked at the rock pile, then at Llama. Megan peeled back Llama's hair on the side of his head to reveal a nasty gash. "Looks like he caught one." she said, taking a first-aid kit out of her backpack and dressing the wound. Llama looked at her, eyes wide. "Thanks, miss." he said. "Miss?" she asked. "Sorry," he said, But I don't know your name. Who are you people?" "Eh?" said Percy. "Pleased to meet you, Eh." said Llama, seriously, shaking him by the hand. "I'm... I'm..." he stumbled, lost for words. "Who am I?" he asked, plaintively. "Oh shit." said Yeti, "He's lost his memory." "Here we go again." sang Lee.
And if you want to find out whether Percy and Lee ever get a cure, whether Llama ever gets his memory back, how Amanda gets her own back on Llama, and how Megan becomes a very important person, then you'll just have to wait for "The Llama Chronicles Volume Two - Percy's Adventures In Llama-land." to be written and printed. Meanwhile I hope you enjoyed this story! (No seriously, I do!)
If you did like it, then please keep an ear to the ground for my next work - "The Revelations" about a group of young people (surprise surprise!) who have just had enough of crime, and decide to do something about it - by turning vigilante in style. The Armoured Bikers of Justice will be riding their way here soon. (But PLEASE be patient - it is a completely new attempt at writing a serious style story, without the usual craziness of a Llama-venture, and so I'm not too sure of how it should go.)
Until next time....
--==<< The Llama >>==--