khephren: "My brothers, we must show our worth to Pharaoh! Let us scour the desert for limestone blocks that we may build a great pyramid!"
calchas: "And let the pyramids be three in number, that they should match the three brothers who built them."
Matk: "And we must build them overlooking the road, that all who pass may know the glory of our clan, House of Fun."
khephren: "They must be placed with great precision, to reflect the perfection of the world of Egypt, the earth, the Nile, and the sky above.
calchas: "I shall make glass rods in the multitude, with which we shall hunt for blocks in the vast desert."
Matk: "I shall forge leaden hammers to tap the rods, the prepare a feast of great flavorings, that our stat timers may be small."
khephren: "I shall return later, tonight is a new episode of Friends."
They toiled under the blistering sun, day after day. Their hands bore many scars from the shattered rods. Until one day, they discovered that they had uncovered enough blocks to begin their work.
calchas: "My brothers, we have enough blocks! We may now erect our pyramids!"
Matk: "WTF, I told you we needed 42 blocks, why do we have 44 freaking blocks out there now?"
khephren: "So what, who cares, we have two extra."
Matk: "Um, excuse me, I thought we were trying to build a display of the perfection of our clan, our pharaoh, and our Egypt. Now we're at perfection plus two odd blocks?"
calchas: "Brothers, let me recall to you that this tale is pure roleplay..."
Matk: "Verily, thou art thin on sweetbreads if thou thought we needest 44 blocks."
khephren: "Canst we not rebury them?"
Matk: "I gotst to leaveth."
calchas: "Ok, just stop talking like that, this is supposed to be ancient Egypt, not Twitsville."
Matk: "Fine, let the offensive additional blocks fade from our memory and let us begin the mighty task of constructing our pyramids."
calchas and khephren: "Agreed."
Seratet: "Are you gonna build me a pyramid?"
Matk, calchas, and khephren: "The gods decree, no pyramids for those who don't push blocks."
Seratet: "Alas..."
They built frameworks for their pyramids spaced according to the specifications of a mad oracle that wandered by and saw their labors. They knew that only Ra himself could order them to push the blocks so far from their quarries. But it was no matter, for the House of Fun would not be easily deterred from their great work.
Matk: "Brothers, to me! I require the strength of us all to move these great stones into place."
calchas: "I must go."
khephren: "The wind blows me far from home."
Matk: "These blocks will not move under their own power. They require the strength of an ox to move but an inch."
calchas: "Push with your legs, let not your back do the work."
khephren: "What is the number of blocks that remain?"
Matk: "Still 42, plus 2 unwed blocks."
calchas: "Not the odd blocks again, by Osiris, give it a break."
Many days did Matk labor, and he grew quite buff in the process. Though due to the lack of adequate sunscreen, he no doubt ruined his prospects for a long life. Occasionally his brothers would assist in the pushing, but their limbs were weak and puny, since they spent more time wine tasting and fishing than pushing gigantic multi-ton limestone blocks across the scorching desert. Though each day's labor drew him another few feet toward his goal of a perfect monument to his clan, he found himself strangely unfulfilled.
Finally, the day came when the last block was slipped into place. In his zeal to finish the monuments, Matk sadly did not stop even to drink a cup of water that day, and as the final block slid into place, he collapsed to the ground. As his brothers watched in amazement, a surge of lightning pierced the heavens and engulfed Matk's body. He rose up into the air and hung there, just for a second before collapsing back to the ground, clearly dead. The smell of charred meat filled the air, but the brothers could see a smile on the lips of Matk, or rather the twisted, scorched pieces of burnt gristle that were once his lips. For as he hung in mid air beside the pyramids, before his eyes burst, he beheld the perfection of his clan, three pyramids by the roadside, illuminated by a bolt from the heavens, a monument for all time to his clan.
(a quasi-true story by Matk)